I woke the next morning, free of the usual aftermath of nightmares and feeling well rested. The wolves had inserted themselves wherever possible, a few on the bed and the rest all curled around each other on the floor. I gently shifted myself to a sitting position, coming face to snout with Solstice. Equinox was lying next to me and Lightfoot over my feet at the foot of the bed. I looked around and giggled; half the floor looked like a living carpet of fur, undulating slowly as the wolves breathed in and out. Nudging aside Solstice so that I could push back the blankets and get up, I stepped carefully around the wolves, trying not to wake them. Having no such luck, I scratched ears and jawbones before heading out to the central room. It was deserted. Hearing noises off to one side, I made my way towards them and found myself in the kitchen, where Sagais had his back to me. Unsure of what to do, I stood awkwardly in the doorway.
I hadn’t stood in the doorway for half a minute when Sagais spoke. “Are you going to come sit down? There’s breakfast if you want it. I don’t require it, but I know you fleshy people do.” He grinned at me, and then sobered as he peered over my shoulder at the line of wolves. “Sorry guys, I don’t have food appropriate for wolves. I assumed that you would prefer to catch your own.” Nighthunter nodded, and headed out towards the entrance, the rest of the pack following him.
I gratefully accepted a piece of bread and sat down at the table. Sagais sat down across from me. “How did you sleep? I didn’t hear any screams, howls or growling wolves.”
I smiled shyly. “It worked just like you said it would; I didn’t even have any nightmares.”
“Good! Now pay attention.” He set two different glass bottles on the table. One was a short, squat, square dark bottle, and the other was slenderer with a bulb on the bottom, filled with a green liquid. “This one,” he tapped the brown bottle. “is the one I gave you last night. It will suppress your lycanthropy and put you to sleep.” He motioned to the green bottle. “This other one is used to strengthen your will so that you can control your lycanthropy. It’s not a guarantee that you will be in control of yourself, but it’s a pretty good chance. I’ll teach you how to make them, so that you can do it when you’re on your own.”
“So… that’s it? That’s all it takes to control this?” It seemed easy beyond belief. But Sagais shook his head.
“No. These are backup, things to be used in time of need. The reason for that is that the main ingredient in both of them is a poison, prepared very carefully. Take too much at once and you could die. Take either of them consistently for a long period of time, and a dependency will be created. Not a great problem in itself, but if you then decide to not take a potion, the abrupt withdrawal of the poison from your body could kill you. No, the best way to control your lycanthropy is up here.” He leaned forward and tapped my forehead with his finger. “Meditation is the biggest thing we found to help. The more you meditate, the more you will be in control of yourself, not just your lycanthropic side. Oh yes, I forgot to tell you this earlier. Werewolves have an increased regeneration rate, which is why it’s so hard to kill them without silver. Since it’s already been four days, you should be pretty much healed from your wounds.”
I pushed up my shirt to look at my stomach, and he was right. The claw marks there, and the teeth marks on my arm had healed well. The only trace that they had ever been there were small silvery scars. I smiled to myself, and then looked back to Sagais. “I guess there’s perks to this werewolf thing after all.” He laughed.
“So once you’re finished with that,” he motioned to my bread. “Then you will help me with the animals, and I will teach you how to meditate.”
I followed him into the meadow and helped him feed the animals. “Sagais? You don’t really need to eat, right? Or sleep?” He shook his head. “Then why do you keep animals?” He smiled. We were filling the food and water bowls for the four rabbits, and he lifted one from its hutch to carefully cradle it in his arms.
“If it were just me, I think I’d just keep the rabbits, for company. But while I don’t need to eat or sleep, the Guardians do. The rabbits and chickens provide meat, the goats, milk for butter and cheese, and the bees have excellent honey. The sheep are partly to keep the goats company, but they also provide wool that we can sell to a nearby town. They have short lives, in comparison, but they are good company.” He put the rabbit back, peering at the sky through the hole. “It’s sunny today, perfect to do this. Sit down here, cross legged, with your hands on your knees.”
I did as he told. The grass was long, coming up to just over my knees when I sat down, but it was cool and soft. “Ok, now what?”
“Close your eyes and think of nothing. Feel yourself as the center of the world, but with roots extending everywhere. Tune out all sounds until you are just floating in a sea of nothingness.”
I closed my eyes, trying to do what he described, but having some difficulty. I could feel Sagais’s eyes upon me, and finally told him to go away so I could do this without interruption. At some point, the noise of the wind, the crickets, the animals, all just faded away until I really was floating in a sea of nothingness.
By the time Sagais came and got me, night had fallen. “You’re a natural,” he said.
I got to my feet and stretched. “I feel… peaceful. Calm.”
He smiled. “Here, help me with the animals. They get fed twice a day.” I busied myself with the fodder while he explained more. “Eventually, you will focus, instead of just meditate. In theory, the more focused you become, you should be able to decide which part of your lycanthropic side surfaces. Like bringing forth just the wolf speed so that you can run faster in your humanoid form. But it takes much strength of mind, focus, and practice. In the fifty years that Ris was here, I think he was maybe on the brink of being able to do it, but he was still uncontrolled at times.”
“That would be really cool, complete control over it. I wouldn’t have to worry about hurting anyone…” I trailed off, then shook my head to clear it. “Well what about tonight’s dreams? I don’t think I’ve learned nearly enough to control it, and it doesn’t sound wise to take another potion to keep me from dreaming again.”
“Well there is a fast way for you to learn what you need…”
“What?”
“Well to a certain point, meditation can take the place of sleep, and you usually don’t dream when you meditate. So if you were to meditate instead of sleep, it would solve two problems at once”
So that night, and every night afterwards, I meditated. Most days, too, I spent in meditation. It unsettled my magic, and me, to go so long without using it. I was bored. Then one day Sagais stopped me from assuming my usual position in the middle of the cave to meditate. “Not today. Tonight is the first phase of the full moon, we have preparations to make.”
My heart jumped. “Really?!” That’s good, this is… well I’m bored.”
He laughed. “Ah, the young. But yes, we need to go gather herbs. These two potions Ris and I developed can only be prepared on the night of a full moon, so this will be your first test.” Sagais led me out to the entrance of the cave and into the woods beyond. When I paused at the shield, he turned and looked at me.
“Are you sure this is wise?” I asked.
“Is what wise?”
“Leaving the Cave unguarded.”
“Oh yes, it’ll be fine. I’ll lower the shield for us to leave, and it’ll be in place while we’re gone.” We walked into the woods, passing a small meadow with a stream running through it.
“Sagais if you can keep people out with that shield, then why bother with the whole Guardian thing? Why not just keep everything out?”
“Because it takes too much power.” He brushed aside a tree branch.
I stopped, astounded. “You’re kidding, right?” He shook his head. “But you’ve got a Stone of Power!”
He stopped and motioned me closer. “The Power Stone can supply a burst of power, but not a constant source. The power has to come from somewhere, and in this case it soaks up energy from the earth. Once it’s used, it takes time to build up again. And it doesn’t power the cave, most of that is shaped latent magic. Look, normally, the cave shield works like a sort of funnel.” He put his hands together in a v shape. “You can go in,” He motioned to the tip of the v, “but you can’t go back out again unless the shield is lowered.” He opened his hands so they were parallel to each other. “That’s just the way Del’thero made it. Now, pay attention.” He squatted down by a small plant at the base of a tree.
We spent the rest of the day finding plants for potions. Sagais made me memorize ingredients and their descriptions until I could recite them in my sleep. That first plant was nightshade, highly poisonous and to be handled with the utmost caution. Most of the plants we gathered seemed to be poisons.
In the suppression potion, it was wolfsbane, nightshade, valerian, and yarrow. Wolfsbane was a tall plant with clusters of pretty flowers along the stem, most of them blue and white. The flowers looked like little robed people with cone-shaped hats on. Nightshade, with its dull green leaves and bell-shaped flours. I really hate that one – it made my hands itch. Valerian, as a hypnotic, looked like small clusters with fat fern-like leaves. And yarrow, last but not least, with large white flowers that stood at knee height.
The control potion shared on the wolfsbane in common. It also had starwort, a plant with slim, oval shaped leaves and small star-shaped white flowers. Calamint was also used, it was where the green color came from. It was a short plant with fat leaves and lavender flowers, and when picked, smelled like the name suggested: like mint.
By late afternoon I had six medium sized bags full of herb parts: leaves, roots, and flowers. We headed back to the cave and sat down in the kitchen to sort them all out. Sagais checked the sundial in the meadow. “You’ve got about three hours till dark, so let’s get started. Since none of these plants grow in the winter, I usually make the potions out of the dried herbs so that the amounts are always consistent. Usually medicinal herbs like this are more potent when dried.” He took the herbs from me and arranged them on drying screens set up as shelves next to the stove. “The trick with these potions is that they have to be prepared when the moon is full. So tonight, if you can keep from transforming, I will show you what to do. If you can’t… well we have two more nights to try it. We need to shut down all the doors so you can have the main room.” I helped him close the big stone doors to the meadow which kept the heat from the kitchen stove from escaping. I made the wolves goes outside. It was either that or the meadow, and at least outside they could roam as they willed.
Sagais poked his head into the main room from the kitchen just as I was ready. “Good luck,” he said. “If you can keep from transforming, you know where to find me.” Then he withdrew, shutting the door behind him. I tried hard to swallow the lump in my throat, then sat down cross-legged on the floor. Two hours left. I closed my eyes and started my meditation exercises.
After a while I felt a pressure on my mind. It kept getting stronger, almost to the point where it hurt. The pressure spread from my head to the rest of my body. My skin started to tingle, as if I was being pricked by a million pins and needles. I could hear my bones crunching and it felt like my knees were being broken. Soon, my entire body was in pain, and it felt like I was on fire. Maybe I screamed, I don’t remember. What I do remember is falling into the darkness of my own mind, blissfully cool darkness where I felt and knew nothing.
- - - - - - - - - -
I woke the next morning to the gradual lightening o f the cave and an aching body. There were deep claw marks in the floor, some on the wall. The doors were all open, and I wandered around looking for Sagais. I found him in the meadow, feeding the animals. I silently helped him. When we were done, he spoke.
“Don’t be so hard on yourself; it was your first time. Everyone fails the first time. What counts is that you tried.”
“But you said… well it seemed that you expected me to succeed.”
He smiled. “It doesn’t mean I wasn’t hopeful. There is a first time for everything!”
“Now what? How do I keep myself from changing?” It was frustrating not to be able to control myself.
Sagais made a noise that sounded like rocks grinding together. It was his way of thinking. “Ris used to describe that there was this core piece of himself that he could hold on to. Maybe that’s what you need to focus on, who knows? Everyone is different. But I would try meditating more, every little bit helps.”
I sighed and reluctantly went to my spot in the middle of the meadow to meditate for the rest of the day. A few hours before dark I roused myself. Once again, I helped Sagais close the doors and went about getting myself ready. As I sat back down to meditate in the central room and wait for the moon to rise, Sagais came in and handed me a potion. It was the green one, the one that gives control.
“You’ve felt how it was with no control, now feel what it’s like with good control. Then tomorrow night you will try again with nothing, after you know the feeling of control,” He said as he handed me the potion. I nodded and took it from him silently, watching as he headed back to the kitchen. I could feel the Change pushing against my mind and my skin was starting to tingle. So I quickly uncorked the bottle and upended it down my throat before I could change my mind.
I thought it would taste like the other potion, but I was wrong. It both smelled and tasted like mint, with only a faint bitter aftertaste to tell that it was medicine. It was cool, and as I drank it, I could feel it spreading through my body. It was this green glow, isolating my mind from the blind rage of the wolf, keeping it from being overwhelmed. Distantly, I could feel the pain as my body changed and shifted, but it was far away, as if I was floating in a void. The void I recognized, for I had reached it in my meditation; it was a refuge deep in my mind that held the center of myself. It was my anchor. I let the potion carry my mind along, as it merged my center, hovering in the nothingness, with the here and now in my shifted body. It was a wonderful feeling, to be in a different body with a firm mind, definitely my own. I understood then, how I was supposed to control myself by anchoring my conscious mind in that refuge while my body changed around it.
I shook my head to clear it, then walked towards the kitchen door, pushing it open to see Sagais sitting at the table with a book. He looked up when I entered and chuckled. “You won’t be able to mix potions like that! Look at yourself.” He motioned me over to the table. As I jumped up on a chair, he made a motion with his hand and the surface of the table became reflective enough for me to see myself. When I looked into the makeshift mirror, I saw a white wolf looking back at me, with a black blaze on one side of my face, and dark markings around the opposite eye and ear. I tried to say something, but all that came out was barks and yips. Sagais laughed at my bewilderment. “Calm down. They don’t call you a werewolf for nothing. Now, stop trying to speak vocally, and try to speak telepathically. Think at me.” I gathered my thoughts around my center and tried to direct a question at Sagais. He leaned closer to me. “I can’t hear you.” I concentrated harder, trying to push my question at him with my magic.
<WHY?>
Sagais cringed. “Well now I hear you.” He sighed and shook his head. “We have got to work on that. Think of it as if you have a tendril of your thoughts extending to me. Why what?”
I looked inside myself again, centering my thoughts. As I did, I noticed that the outside of my center seemed fuzzy, or foggy. The fog was purple. I suddenly realized that it was my magic. An idea occurred to me, so I acted upon it, extending a tendril towards Sagais. Not just of thought, as he suggested, but of my magic as well.
<Is this better?>
“Yes, much. Now, why what?”
<I… I don’t remember. I was going to ask you something, but I don’t remember what.>
Sagais roared with laughter. “Spent too much time just trying to think at me, hm? Ok before the potion starts to wear off, I want you to try and change back to your human form.”
I stared at him. <How am I supposed to do that?>
He shrugged. “I don’t know, that’s not something I’ve experienced. Ris never really described how he figured it out.”
I sighed and tried to think. When I had changed earlier, I had held on to the part of me that was my consciousness. So maybe… maybe I could force that change again. I took a deep breath and tried to make myself change, tried to will myself to go back to my own half-elven form. At first, there was nothing. Then I remembered how my magic helped me talk telepathically. I tried pushing the Change with not only my mind, but my magic as well.
Somewhere inside, I felt a click, and I held desperately on to the center of my consciousness as the Change rushed around me. This time, the pain was not so distant, and I almost lost my hold several times. But finally it was over, and I looked at Sagais for approval. He had a hard time keeping the smile off his face. “Nope, not quite.” He motioned to the table again. I looked in it, and could understand his mirth. This time, I saw a creature that was a mix of humanoid and wolf.
I sighed and tried again. It was easier, I guess because I now had some idea of what I was doing. I pushed, and felt my body settle, as if it had reached a comfortable, familiar form. I opened my eyes to see my dark-skinned self looking back at me from the polished table. I looked at Sagais, and he smiled at me. “Very good. Now go get some different clothes on, those are quite tattered. Then I’ll show you how to make this schmutz.”
By the time I cam back, he had two cast iron pots of water boiling on the stove. “Come with me,” he said, grabbing one and motioning me to take the other. I followed him as he led me into the meadow. The full moon was high in the sky and shining brightly through the partial roof. Two carefully prepared fires were set up, and Sagais set his pot on one as he gestured for me to set mine on the other. There were two baskets nearby, one beside each fire. He picked one up. “Obviously, the number of herbs and amount of water depends on how many potions you want to make. Tonight, we’ll make about twelve of each, that’s pretty much a batch.” He showed me the herbs and how many to put in. We started with the suppression potion; I named each herb as I dropped it in while Sagais was stirring. When I was done, I moved to the second pot and basket, repeating the process. Like earlier in the day, Sagais made me recite the ratios of each potion over and over again, until I made no mistakes. Once I added the last herb to each pot, I could tell that the water took on a certain quality. It no longer appeared to be just water, but seemed to become thicker, not quite as thick as syrup.
“Now what?” I asked as I peered into one of the pots.
“Now we leave it for the night, to sit and steep in the light of the full moon. Tomorrow night we will bottle it.”
I made a face. “Does it have to be at night? Why can’t we just bottle it during the day, when I don’t have to worry about fighting the Change?”
He laughed. “Yes, it all has to be done under a full moon. Be grateful, at least we don’t have to pick and dry the herbs under the full moon!” We both laughed at that. “So, to bed with you.” He made shooing motions with his hands. “Tomorrow I have more for you to study.” I yawned and nodded, then made my way to the back of the cave where my bedroom was. Most of the wolves had already fallen asleep in varying sized heaps of fur all over my bedroom floor. I slid under my own blankets and was soon fast asleep, my only dreams being full of the moon.
I woke the next morning to the gradual lightening of the crystals, which coincided with the rising of the sun. As I wandered into the kitchen to break my fast, I saw the pile of books and scrolls that Sagais had left out for me to read. I heaved a big sigh, almost a protest, but took them outside the Cave to read them under a tree. They all had to do with certain aspects of magic, shape shifting, or specific herbs. There was even a section or two on lycanthropy, but it didn’t tell me anything that Sagais hadn’t already. I finished by midafternoon, and wandered back into the Cave to get something to eat. Sagais had been noticeably absent all day, but after an hour or so of puttering around doing nothing, he appeared like a whirlwind in the center room. He went into the kitchen, with me following behind, and proceeded to empty his pockets of what appeared to be small rocks. I picked one up, but couldn’t find anything out of the ordinary about it.
“Sagais, why were you gone all day just for rocks?”
He looked playfully offended. “For all you know they could be my cousins.” I stared at him, astonished, until he grinned. “Lucky for you they’re not. Well not technically I guess, I do feel a kinship for all rocks. But these are just for selling. You wouldn’t believe how well some people will pay just for a rock. I guess they use them in jewelry, or magic, or something.” He took the rock from my hand and made a fist as he closed his eyes and concentrated. When he opened both his eyes and his hand, the rock had been transformed into a flawlessly polished gem. I picked it up, amazed, and inspected it.
“Sagais is this… ?”
He nodded. “A diamond, although it is somewhat imperfect deep in the center. It’s something that can’t be seen with just your eyes.”
I laughed. “No wonder they pay you so much. It’s huge!” The diamond was the size of a small marble, fitting perfectly into the palm of my hand. “Mages use such things in their spells I believe, and diamonds such as this are fitted into the trappings of nobles.”
He gathered the rest of the stones and put them in a jar on the counter. “Time for you to start meditating, the moon will rise in a few hours. Are you taking a potion tonight?”
I shook my head. “Now that I know how to keep my head about me, I want to try it without tonight.”
He nodded. “Well you know where to find me if all goes well.” I nodded back, then got up from the table to go settle myself in the center room to wait for dark.
Once I started meditating, dark did not take long to fall. Or rather, from my perspective, it only took a few minutes. I could tell without even opening my eyes that the moon had risen, for the answering prickle in my skin was now a familiar sensation. Control was hard this time, without the help of the potion. I didn’t even try to stop the Change, for it would have been like trying to dam a large, fast river. It took all I had to cling to my center with teeth and fingernails as it rushed around me. I was barely aware of the changes in my body, only the pain. But somehow, I was still conscious, still me, as the haze cleared and I was looking down at paws instead of hands. I smiled a wolf smile wearily, then went searching for the bowl of water I’d put out earlier.
The water restored some of my strength, and I steeled myself for the mountain of shifting back into humanoid form. When I felt suitably ready, I gathered my magic with my thoughts, and then tried to push the backwards Change as I had the night before.
It was like trying to move a mountain.
I might have given up. I’m still not sure why I didn’t, except that I felt so strongly that I needed to do this. I couldn’t even let it enter my mind that if I didn’t force this change now, I would turn back in the morning when the sun rose. So I strained and pushed, until finally I felt a response. The mountain had moved an inch and it sent a thrill through me; I redoubled my efforts. Soon I could feel tingling in my skin again, but this time from hair shrinking instead of growing. A pause, and then a settling, just like last night. When it was all over with, I lay on the cool stone floor, exhausted.
After an hour or so of dozing, I didn’t feel quite so spent. I dragged myself up off the floor and went to the meadow, where I knew Sagais would put me to work bottling potions. When I got there, his head turned and I could see his broad grin. “Tiring, isn’t it?” I nodded, feeling drained. “Ris said it eventually got easier, so maybe you can take heart in that. Here, let me show you how to bottle these.” He got out some little bottles, and a small funnel. “The potion for suppression goes in the brown bottle. The brown helps keep the sun out and the potion from degrading. The potion for control goes in the clear bottle. Then we seal them with these stoppers.” He demonstrated, using a ladle to pour some liquid into a brown bottle, covering it with a stopper that seemed to be wood. I picked one up, amazed at how it could look so much like wood, but still be soft. I looked at Sagais with a question in my eyes.
“Yes, they’re wood, but from a special tree. Somehow, the inner wood stays soft like that. It’s perfect for capping a bottle, because you soak them in water to get them in the neck, but once it dries, it expands.”
I giggled, feeling a little strange from all the shifting. “That’s pretty neat!”
We bottled the rest in silence, Sagais taking the suppression potion while I bottled the control potion. When we were done, we had twenty four little bottles set neatly in a small box. Sagais saw my need for sleep and made me go to bed shortly after we were done. I stumbled to my bed, where I fell into a dreamless sleep.
- - - - - - - - - -
After that week, I settled into a routine that consisted mostly of meditating and reading. I had never seen so many books as Sagais had in his library, and most of them were on magic, so I devoured them with my eyes as quickly as I could. I still helped with the animals, and I enjoyed taking a book out to sit near them and read. The wolves were gone more and more each day, hunting and exploring the territory near the cave. Nighthunter had said that there was little competition for it; they had been driven away long ago by those that came to steal the Stone, or they had become one of the Guardians themselves. Occasionally I took my bow and went hunting, just to be by myself. It was just as relaxing as meditation to hear the wind in the trees, to be still and listen to the wildlife. Each full moon, I had more control over my changes without having to use any potions. Soon, I was running alongside the wolves in my own wolf form, and not always on the full moon. They taught me to hunt with the pack as if I was a pup, the same age as Solstice and Equinox.
I soon began to lose track of the days as I became more content. The spring flowers bloomed and passed by, giving way to others. The weather got warmer, and sometimes in the afternoon of humidity you could feel the approaching thunderstorm in the air. Midsummer’s eve, the longest day of the year, came and while I studied and ran free. Eventually, the trees started to turn colors and the air was cooler. Days gradually grew shorter, leaving me more time on the night of a full moon to enjoy my wolf form.
Sagais had left to go barter with the village nearby, and I was left to care for the animals. Shortly after midday I went hunting for dinner, and soon came back with a pair of rabbits tied to my belt. Sagais had never had visitors, so I walked confidant that I would take the rabbits into the kitchen and prepare them to cook. I was whistling softly as I walked, and I was completely unprepared for the arm that grabbed me, spun me about, and held me while the other arm of my unknown assailant held a knife to my throat. “What in the nine hells are you doing here, drow?” The voice growled in my ear.
I suppose that a veteran fighter is never afraid when surprised by an attacker from behind. But for any who is not trained and experienced, there is that moment of petrification. I had frozen, and now I had to remind myself to breath, will my galloping heart back to its normal pace. The stranger cursed under his breath when I didn’t answer, but I barely noticed. Instead, I was focusing my thoughts to reach the wolf pack. <Nighthunter, I need you at the Cave. There’s someone here.> I sent him the few images I had seen: a flash of hands and a blur of a face.
“Answer me, drow! Why are you still here?!”
The knife pressed harder into my throat. I could feel the skin under it start to itch and burn, and almost panicked. I took a deep breath. “I am here to guard, and to learn.”
“And the one before you?”
My throat closed. “Gone. I had to kill him.” The voice in my ear chuckled softly. The knife felt like a blade of fire now, and the instinct to survive kicked in. I started to inch an arm up between my neck and the knife, but before I could get there, I was let go. I sensed the wolves slipping in to the tunnel, felt Nighthunter take a place near my side in the shadows even as I turned around.
My attacked was a tall surface elf with golden hair. His face seemed vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t place where I’d seen him before. He didn’t speak after I turned around, just watched me. There was a silence for a time, the only noise being soft wolf growls that could only be heard if one listened very closely. Finally I worked up the nerve to ask him, “Why are you here?”
The stranger smiled a half smile, and said, “Unfinished business,” in a lilting musical voice. He brushed past me and tried to go through the hidden door to the kitchen, but Stormwatcher and Nod were blocking the way. He looked at the hackled, growling wolves, then back at me. Another moment of silence, then: <Let him go.> Reluctantly, the wolves let him pass.
‘Why did you let him go? We are supposed to be guarding the stone!’ Nod asked.
“But he wasn’t after the stone, he went in the kitchen door that can’t be seen from here. Besides, my instincts say trust him, even though we don’t know him. Maybe he knows Sagais.” I went in the kitchen myself and found it empty. I wanted to go get Sagais, but didn’t think it was a good idea. Getting to the town where he was wouldn’t be too difficult, but I could just see myself accidentally turning back from a wolf in some not-so-private place. I sighed. “I guess we just wait until Sagais gets back. But just in case, don’t let him go in the central cave.” The wolves scattered to go guard the entrances, two to each doorway. After examining my throat to see the damage the silver knife had done, I decided it wasn’t that bad, and put a cooling salve on it. I went to go take care of the animals, then sat in the meadow and meditated.
I must have meditated for several hours before I felt a nearby presence and opened my eyes. The stranger was sitting a few yards away, watching me. I said nothing, closing my eyes and tuning him out. I knew when Sagais came home because of the wolves. They came out of the shadows to greet him, after letting me know he was there. I opened my eyes and stood up, briefly glancing at the stranger in front of me. He seemed to be doing his own meditation, so I shrugged and headed for the kitchen.
Sagais was putting away some of the food he’d gotten, so I sat down and told him about the stranger. After showing him the burn on my neck, he looked grim. “He held you at knifepoint, but didn’t even go in the central cave where the stone is?”
I nodded. “He didn’t even go through it to get to the rooms behind. He used the kitchen door between the kitchen and the tunnel instead. I had the wolves guard the entrances to the central cave, but when I went to the meadow to meditate, he followed me!’ I was a bit unnerved by that.
“What did he look like?”
“Taller than me, and slender. Elvish, blonde hair, tan skin.” I blushed. “He was rather handsome.”
Sagais grinned at that, then sobered. “Well, let’s go look for him and find out what he wants.”
As it turned out, we didn’t have far to look. As soon as Sagais stood up, the person in question came through the kitchen door. Both Sagais and the stranger grinned at seeing the other and embraced like long lost brothers, while I looked on, confused. After they exchanged pleasantries, Sagais caught sight of me feeling sullen at the table. He glanced between me and the stranger, then remarked to him, “She doesn’t remember you, does she?”
The stranger shook his head. “I assume that if she had, she would have said something to me instead of just trying to ignore me.
“Why would I remember him?!” I burst out in frustration. A memory flashed into my head of a golden elf lying dead on the ground, my three daggers lodged in his chest. I took a closer look at the elf in front of me. “Oh my gods! Ris?!” I sat down to steady myself from the shock. “I thought I’d killed you!”
Ris smiled suddenly. “You might have, if I had been anyone – or anything – else. But your knives weren’t silver, so I healed pretty fast.
I was silent for a moment. Then realization sunk in, and I rounded on Sagais, hurt and angry. “You! You knew I didn’t kill him! You let me believe for five months that I took his life!”
Sagais held up his hands to defend himself. “Whoa, girl, calm down! We had our reasons. You had to believe he was dead, because if you didn’t, then the guardianship wouldn’t pass on. Besides, if you had really thought about it, you might have come to this conclusion. You just didn’t think about it after I told you all that stuff about werewolves.”
“And we didn’t expect you to stay this long. I thought Sagais and the Guardian would be the only ones here,” Ris said.
“How did you know to plan this?!” I was in a sort of shock.
Sagais looked a little sheepish. “Zayanya told us someone was coming for the stone. The rest we figured out off that. Ris has been wanting to set some things straight with his family, but the compulsions wouldn’t let him get far enough away.”
“Compulsions?”
“It’s part of the curse. You can only get a certain radius away from the cave before it starts trying to pull you back.” He and Ris had taken seats at the table as well. Sagais sat across from me, while Ris took the seat next to me, making me a little uncomfortable. Sagais continued, “So once we knew you were coming, we planned.”
“But we certainly didn’t expect you to be drow,” Ris interjected.
“Well I suppose you didn’t expect this to happen either!” I snapped back at him as I pushed up my sleeve so he could see where he had bit me. I stood up from the table and stormed out of the kitchen, out into the night. After laying my clothes carefully by the entrance, I concentrated hard and transformed into my wolf form. Then I ran, mostly just for the joy of running. But part of it was also venting my frustration and rage, letting it flow into the earth that blurred under my feet. I found myself on the edge of one of the mountains surrounding the cave. From the steep drop, I could see the forest for quite a ways. I lifted my head and howled to the crescent moon, high overhead. In the distance, I could hear wolf voices join mine, and for a second, I was solely the wolf. Only the forest, the moon, and the other wolves existed. Then a twig snapped behind me, and I was myself again. I whirled around to find a large tawny wolf behind me. I knew who it was instantly, because aside from the wolf pack and myself, there were no other wolves in the area.
<What?> I asked sullenly. <Come to insult me here too, even as I try to get away?>
Ris heaved a mental sigh. <It wasn’t an insult, m’dear. Only a statement of fact.> He came and sat on his haunches beside me on the cliff edge in silence. I wasn’t really in the mood to talk, and he seemed lost in his thoughts. I watched the moon set on the horizon in front of us, and the first soft rays of the sun coming up over the mountains behind. Finally, he spoke. <I am sorry.>
I started, not expecting the sound. <For what?>
<Biting you.> His mind voice was so soft I had to strain to hear it. <I thought I could control it that night, but it turns out I was wrong.>
I smiled slightly. <Actually… I kind of like it. I’ve been with the wolves a long time, but now… well you’ll see.> Ris looked a little surprised as I turned and bounded down the mountain trail.
The wolves greeted me at the entrance to the cave, antsy and anxious to get moving. By the time I had exchanged hellos and rubbed noses, Ris was coming down the path. I looked to Nighthunter. <Are we ready? I feel like hunting this morning.> Nighthunter answered by leading the pack out into the woods at a lope. I turned to Ris and spoke. <That first month was hell, and the first time I transformed and hurt a wolf, I felt so bad. But I wouldn’t change any of it, because now, I really am part of the pack, and I can run with them when I want. We can hunt together as wolves, not as them flushing game for me to kill.> I turned and followed Nighthunter through the underbrush, leaving Ris to his thoughts.
- - - - - - - - - -
The rest of the week was an awkward one. I stayed away most of the time, avoiding Sagais and Ris. I felt like to some extent, I couldn’t trust Sagais like I used to, and I just felt strange about being near Ris. So I stayed out with the wolves, hunting. At night, I curled up on the ground in my humanoid form with them, just like it had been before the cave.
But eventually, I had to go back to the cave. The full moon was coming up, and even though I felt I had good control, I wasn’t confidant enough to spend it outside. I found myself, two days before the first phase of the moon, sneaking into the entrance of the cave. I wasn’t very successful, of course. I entered the meadow and Sagais was there, keeping the goats company while apparently waiting for me.
“I figured you’d come back now, when it’s near the full moon,” he commented.
I shrugged and smiled tentatively. “I needed some time away, but didn’t want to be outside for the full moon. Yet.”
Sagais nodded, then looked piercingly at me. “We had good reason for planning things the way we did. You realize that, right?”
“Yea, I know,” I sighed. “But it’s still a bit of a shock to grasp. Especially Ris being alive.”
“You aren’t glad?”
“I am glad, but it’s still…” I blushed. “I mean, I killed him!” Sagais let out a laugh.
“Oh, I see what it is!” He chuckled again, making me blush even more. For me, it means that most of my skin darkens. But on the tips of my ears where the skin lightens, it turns a dark red. Sagais stopped laughing at me just before I was about to get angry. “Well, Alyssa Wolfchild, I think I know how to help you two be less awkward. Just wait and see this evening.”
So that evening, he had us both in the meadow, the wolf pack gathered around. Then he left, saying he had to get something. There was an uncomfortable silence while we sat, before I asked softly, “Would you like to meet the wolves?” Ris nodded, so I introduced him to everyone, starting with Nighthunter. Moonlight liked him so much that by the time Sagais got back, she had curled up next to Ris. Sagais had brought back some flat bread and goat cheese.
While we munched on the food, Sagais said, “Both of you have heard my story, and how I came to be here. I have heard a little bit of each of your lives, but I think it’s appropriate for you two to tell the other about yourself.” Ris looked a little shocked, and I felt cold to the bone. Sagais half smiled at our reactions. “We can stay here all night if we need to.”
Ris looked at me, and I shook my head. “You go first.” He looked uncomfortable, but nodded. “It was near Midsummer, a time of great celebration in my city of Shoendroth. I was the son of one of the lords of the court, and therefore my friends were also lords’ sons. The day before the Midsummer feast, we all thought it would be grand to go kill a nice fat stag or boar. So we gathered up our hunting bows, a few extra horses, and went in search of game after our noon meal.
“It didn’t take us long to find a few stags. We had always made sure not to over hunt the forest, and we were fairly secluded from any humans who might do so. By early evening we had one stag lashed to the back of an extra horse. We were about to head back when we saw wild boar tracks in the dirt. Killing a wild boar is considered a great honor among us. Not only does it take much skill, but it also feeds a great number of us.” Ris sighed. “We were only forty years old or so, fairly naïve. None of us had ever killed a boar before, and we all wanted to. So we left the horses and tracked the boar to his hole. He was good, that boar, because we tracked him for hours through and around the underbrush without ever seeing him. We saw one of his sows, but she had piglets, so we couldn’t kill her. By the time we gave up the hunt, the sun was starting to set. Nobody gave any thought to the full moon starting to rise on the horizon, even before the sun had fully set. Were creatures were unheard of; I don’t think we even studied them too closely.
“Anyways, we were heading back to Shoendroth with our single stag when I spied fresh tracks of more of the deer. I told the others to go back ahead of me, intending to follow the tracks for a short ways. If I found the herd quickly, I would try for another stag or doe and bring it back with me. So I separated myself from my friends and started following the tracks, leaning over on my horse so I could see them better.
“I recall a large shadow darting across the deer tracks directly in front of my horse. The horse shied and reared, dumping me on the ground as he took off at a gallop. I remember something heavy on me, but I must have passed out shortly after because it’s all a blank spot until I woke up the next morning. My friends told me that they’d heard animal growls and snarls among my screams. They arrived in time to scare off the animal, but I had already been badly mauled. I was hoisted up in front of someone and they galloped back to the city as fast as they could.
“I awoke the next morning, extremely sore, in my own bed. A young elf in the robes of a healer was dozing in a chair next to my bed, and I took the opportunity of privacy to find out just why I was sore. There were fresh wounds on my arms, legs, and shoulder, but the worst was my throat. Apparently, my friends had arrived just in time to keep the animal from ripping my throat out completely, but there was still a great deal of damage done. The priests had healed the most serious to keep me alive, but the most healing would happen now that I had woken up.
“I was well enough to attend the Midsummer Feast that evening, and it was as fun as any I had ever attended. The animal that attacked me faded from the minds of the elven court; nobody had seen it clearly enough to even distinguish what kind of animal it was, much less to track it and kill it. Life settled back to normal after the Feast.
“It was a full month before the full moon rose again and shone its curse on me. That night, I went out with my friends just like I did almost every night, carousing and socializing. I started to feel truly terrible, and excused myself to go find a sink to hang over. It felt almost as if I was turning inside out right there on the spot. I don’t think I yelled, but a servant appeared in the doorway, presumably to get water. I didn’t know him, but I remember his face: he was old, even for an elf, and his face had fine lines in the corners, framed by short white hair. The last thing I remember was that face contorted in fear before me.
“The next morning I woke outside the city walls, just on the edge of the wood. I was covered in blood, but I was unsure whether it was my own, an animal’s, or someone else’s. There was a stream nearby where I washed myself off, and then I managed to sneak back in to the city without being noticed. As I was in my own room toweling dry and changing my clothes, I heard the servants talking in the corridor outside my door. They were gossiping about an elf who had died unnaturally in the Lower City, where my friends and I usually made our rounds. It made me feel cold inside, because I felt the only possible explanation for the servant’s death was that I had killed him before fleeing the city. I didn’t even bother to step outside and ask the servants for more information; panic had taken hold of my actions. I swiftly packed a few changes of clothes, some food, and a few other necessities and snuck out of the city the same way I had come in. I don’t think I even had a specific destination in mind, except to just get away.
“By the time I made it all the way down here, I had been traveling at least a month. I don’t really remember how much time passed, but it seemed like endless nights of blackness and never-ending days of bright sun. I lost my supplies that first night out. I had already camped for the night, but once I transformed and was overwhelmed with the rage, I traveled fast, but without bothering to take any of my things. I woke the morning after with shreds of clothes on my back, no shoes, and no food. Some of the days are thankfully blurred after that, but some I remember vividly: after days of traveling barefoot, my feet were cut and bleeding. I didn’t have any weapons on me, so food consisted of the few plants I recognized as edible. My stomach was always growling. When night fell, I dropped where I was and slept like one dead. Sometimes I would wake up after a night of blackness with blood on me, and I wasn’t quite as hungry. I hoped it was some poor animal, and not a person.
“The night I stumbled upon Sagais and the Cave of Dreams, I think it was my third night of blackness. When I woke up in the morning, I was sore, and later I found out it was both from fighting Nysim, the yuan-ti guardian at the time, and from throwing myself against the stone dome half the night. Sagais had plenty of food for me, and I must have eaten enough for three people in just that one sitting. He told me of the night before, and after I was done eating I told him of the month I’d spent wandering the wilderness. He knew what I was, because he’s got all those magic books back in the library and had read almost all of them. We became fast friends after that, and spent years figuring out how I could control myself on the nights of the full moon. That was about fifty years ago, near as I can figure.” Ris looked at Sagais, who nodded confirmation. I almost choked with surprise.
“You’re ninety years old?” Both of my parents had only been in their fifties when they had been killed.
Ris nodded. “Yea. How old are you?” I told him, and he laughed. “Full blooded elves live a very long time. I’m not even middle aged yet. I’m not sure how half elves age, but I think that in human terms I’d only be maybe five years older than you.” He sighed. “But sometimes, fifty years still seems like an eternity. After you showed up, Alyssa, and set me free of my restrictions,” he coughed delicately. “I went back to Shoendroth to set some things straight. My father was pleased to see me, and when I inquired about that death fifty years ago, he barely remembered it. All he could tell me was that it seemed the old servant had drunk himself to death, an unusual fate for an elf. He wanted to know where I had been for the past half century, but I was so relieved that I hadn’t killed someone that I merely told him I’d been soul searching. It was true, in a way, but I wasn’t going to tell him everything.”
“So why exactly do you carry around a knife that is deadly to you?” I asked.
Ris smiled grimly. “I got that when I went back to Shoendroth. Only the blade is silver, the rest is steel. The smith must have thought I was crazy, but he made it for me anyways. I thought it would be a good idea to have a weapon that could hurt me if I get out of control.
We sat in silence for a time. I was putting off having to tell my story, but finally Sagais looked at me. “Your turn Alyssa.” I sighed and began.
“I was raised by two druids, Liam and Riona… “ I started, and then continued to tell them everything. The pack drew closer to me for comfort, and when I told about Howl and Windrunner, we had to pause. Nightsong howled, and soon had the whole pack following suit. It echoed eerily off the stone walls, and I let it die down before continuing.
When I finished, there was silence for a time, just like after Ris was done. Then Ris, “Wow, no wonder you’re so touchy about being drow.” He directed a long look my way. “Have you ever even encountered one of your own kind?” When I shook my head, he seemed incredulous. “You would understand if you knew…” he trailed off.
“Tell me.” My voice was unsteady, but I wanted to know what people thought of when they saw me. Ris looked up, surprised, then glanced at Sagais.
Sagais shrugged. “It is a night for telling stories, and if she wants to know, I guess you should tell her.”
Ris nodded reluctantly. “The drow was what the mothers in Shoendroth used to frighten children: ‘You’d better behave, or the drow will come for you!’ When we got older, we learned a little bit more about them. The drow thrive from chaos, so even if two are best friends, one might kill the other for rivalry, or spite. Or maybe just for fun; the drow kill merely for the joy of killing.”
As Ris continued on, describing the race of drow in detail, I grew more shocked every minute. By the time he was done, all I could utter was a small, stunned, “Oh.” Nighthunter pushed his head against me, and I automatically put my hand on the nape of his neck to scratch. His eyes looked into mine, and I saw in them the willingness to follow me anywhere, to help me find a place to call my home. I smiled, feeling blessed. “Well I’ll just have to convince people that I’m not like that!”
Ris smiled his own half smile at me and nodded before slipping off to his bed. Sagais patted me on the shoulder. “Atta girl. Keep your head up.”
I looked after Ris sadly. “It was difficult for him to leave his home, wasn’t it? Hard for him to leave here and go back to his city, but harder to come back here and find it taken over by a stranger? Especially since that stranger was a drow…”
Sagais smiled. “I don’t think it was as hard as you think. Besides, as soon as he came back, you pretty much moved out. Sleep here tonight; he doesn’t bite.”
“Yes he does,” I almost laughed as I said it.
Sagais did laugh, softly. “True. Ok, he doesn’t bite on purpose.” I nodded as Sagais headed to the central cave for his own meditative form of sleep. I was left with the wolf pack in the middle of the meadow. I hugged Nighthunter and Lightfoot.
“Thanks for coming with me guys. I wouldn’t have made it here without you.” I whispered to them. They looked at me, smiling a wolf grin, and licked my cheek. I settled down in the middle of the meadow and fell to sleep, surrounded by my wolves.
the Cave of Dreams